Rabbi Aharon Wilschanski
A father’s role in his child’s education is extremely important. While mothers often take the lead—especially when children are younger—fathers have a unique and powerful influence, particularly as children grow older.
In my experience as a principal, most school communication goes through the mother, but I always encourage fathers to be actively involved. A unified approach from both parents sends a strong message to the child—and the school—that education is a shared family priority, that both parents are invested.
Fathers should also be visible partners to the school. Even if the mother handles most of the communication, a father’s occasional check-in, presence at a parent-teacher conference, or note of appreciation makes a real difference. Sometimes there’s a different tone or type of conversation that a father can offer, and that matters too.
If the mother is already handling a particular issue, there’s usually no need for the father to call separately. They can discuss it together as a couple and decide the best approach. For larger matters, it’s usually best for both parents to speak to the school at the same time, whether in person or by phone. This avoids the confusion of “broken telephone” and ensures everyone is on the same page. It’s also important that the parents speak to the child with one clear and united voice. Sometimes, a school representative—like a principal, teacher, or counselor—can help the parents reach that unified voice more effectively than they might on their own.
Fathers can be involved in many simple, meaningful ways: asking their children about school, showing interest in their learning, or spending quality time together. Not every child wants to talk right after school, but relaxed moments—like a trip for a treat, a quiet Shabbos walk or during an intimate learning session—can open the door to deeper conversation. Recognizing even small accomplishments goes a long way in building a child’s confidence.
As children reach adolescence, the father’s role often becomes more pronounced—especially with sons. Around puberty, fathers tend to take the lead in certain conversations with their sons, just as mothers often do with daughters. This isn’t a rigid rule, but it’s healthy for children to feel they can turn to the parent of the same gender for guidance during this stage.
Most importantly, fathers should work on being approachable and emotionally available. Children need to feel they can come to their father not only with school matters, but with anything on their mind. That sense of trust and openness is built over time, through small interactions and consistent care.
Should fathers be involved in daily homework?
Many schools are moving toward minimal or no homework at all. Every family is different—sometimes the mother takes the lead with homework, sometimes the father. If a father has the time and ability, helping with homework can be a great opportunity to bond and stay informed about what the child is learning.
Even if he can’t be involved with the homework daily, a father can still schedule time to learn with his children—on Shabbos, for example. Attending school events like Avos Ubonim or other programs is also a powerful way to stay involved. Every bit of presence and attention counts.