Mrs. Estee Lieblich
When a child comes home unhappy with their teacher, the most important thing parents can do is offer support. Real support has two parts: validating their feelings and empowering them that they can get through this successfully, by helping find ways to cope or improve the situation.
First, listen attentively and acknowledge that what they’re going through is difficult. This helps your child feel seen and understood, laying the foundation for further support.
If you only validate without empowering, your child may stay stuck in negative feelings. If you only try to empower without acknowledging their struggle, they may feel dismissed. Combining both might sound like: “I know school has been hard lately, and that’s normal at the start. Sometimes teachers who seem strict at first become much nicer as the year goes on.”
Help them see the whole picture. There may be aspects of the teacher they don’t like or don’t connect with (yet)—but it’s unlikely everything is bad. Children (and adults!) sometimes lump everything into one “all bad” bucket instead of recognizing that it’s possible to dislike some things and still appreciate others. Sometimes children need reminders that it’s possible to feel two things at once—such as liking some parts and disliking others, or feeling scared and brave simultaneously. This balanced perspective fosters resilience.
Maybe the teacher tells great stories, or your child enjoys certain parts of the day. Sitting down together to list positives and negatives can help them realize there’s good too. This “unlumping” tool is very empowering in the moment and an important life skill.
Also, teach your child that they don’t have to love every aspect of an experience for it to be overall good enough. For example, just because the teacher didn’t teach chumash the way your child expected, it doesn’t mean the entire day or school year is ruined.
Another helpful empowerment tool is a simple ritual before leaving for school. For instance, you might encourage your child to put a coin in the pushka each morning with the intention of having a good day. This small act can provide a sense of empowerment and positive intention as they face challenges ahead. It’s a tangible way to empower them and set a hopeful tone for the day.
And another one: celebrating small victories. When your child endures a tough stretch, say, “Wow, that was a hard week—we made it through!”
But be cautious about offering too many accommodations out of sympathy. While it’s natural to want to help, ask yourself: Are these accommodations helping your child move forward, or keeping them stuck?
If the situation doesn’t improve and is significantly impacting your child, it may be necessary to advocate on their behalf with the school. Begin by communicating respectfully with the teacher, and if needed, escalate to the principal. Remember, your role is both to advocate for your child and to help them develop the tools to handle adversity in the future.
Ultimately, the goal is to validate, empower, and support your child, helping them navigate difficult situations with confidence and resilience.